F: I have a new song. It's about doggies... (singing:) I got a little doggie and then I ATE IT ALL UP!
F: These kinds of cheerios stick together. You have to go in the middle if you want to cut them in half with your teeth.
(Seconds later) I like to get funny food.
(My phone is set to automatically read text messages aloud when I'm in the car. It does.)
F: What was that?
B: A message from Mommy
F: That wasn't Mommy. That was the GPS!
We drive past a building with two ladders leaning on it and a guy on one of them.
F: Why is that man on a ladder?
B: I think he's washing the window.
F: No, he's putting on more bricks. Bricks are very strong. They keep big bad wolves out.
F: Little tiny rocks are called stones. Great big rocks are called rocks.
B: What's that foot on the table? It looks ticklish.
F: It's not ticklish!
B: It sure LOOKS ticklish
F: It's NOT ticklish. It's huggish!
Giving a biology lecture on the way to preschool:
F: Mommy has a lot of eggs inside her. Two of them got to be US!
F: Rosie came out Mommy's leg. Mommy squeezed her out. I didn't come out her leg. I came out her tummy. I was too big to fit through the hole.
F: They cut a little hole in Mommy's tummy for me because I was so tiny. But I grew and grew really fast.
F: I'm still growing! Soon my face will be scratchy.
F: Look, that building is getting MADE! And there are so many super-heavy things, they need two cranes!
Long car ride home. F plays Angry Birds on M's phone until it dies. M plugs it in, but the plug doesn't reach to the back seat, so F can't play anymore. M starts playing Angry Birds.
F: Let me play! I'm a lot better at it than you!
R is on my lap, eating/reading a book. F is playing with a big pink stroller. I ask him if he can push it into my room and get all the trains he left there this morning and put them away. And he DOES!
But it gets better. When he brings the stroller back out, my slippers are on it. And he puts the trains away and then puts the slippers on my feet!
Where did this come from? Can I get more of it?
R wants a drink of water. I go get a glass and pour some water in from the filter on the tap.
F: Daddy, you only need to get a glass. There is water on the table!
He has a new cheap digital watch. It reminds me of Satchel from Get Fuzzy.
F: When my watch says zero zero zero it means that all time has stopped and we have to stay in a hotel FOREVER
F: If you eat a pot, your body will turn round and you won't have any more nipples. I know this because there's a book about it at my school. An old woman did it and that's what happened. She had SUCH a big mouth.