F & R Figure Out the World

July 2011

F stopped drinking milk a week or so ago with no explanation. Today he's off the wagon.

F: When I was little I stopped drinking milk because I didn't know that it would make me big and strong.


F: I like long books. They take longer to read and it takes longer to go to bed and I don't like to go to bed so I like long books.


B: What's this?
F: It's my foot.
B: Why?
F: Because it's attached to my leg. And I need it to walk. And it's mine!


I picked it up off the ground because I wanted everybody to know there was a cake somewhere!


F is having trouble pulling his shirt over his head.

B: Where's your head?
F: I don't know!

F gets the shirt up to his ears. It stays there for a while, then pops off.
F: I thought I was going to have a shirt-hat for a while!


F: Mouths are very wet inside. That's why ice cream melts inside mouths. Ok?


F is acting suspicious.

B: Are you wiping snot on my shirt?
F: No, earwax!

I cling to the false hope this is the grossest part of my day.


We are in the pool.

F: I want to go back to the stairs
B: How are you going to get there?
F: I'm going to use my imagination!


F: I can see perfectly well in the dark.
B: Even without the night light?
F: No, then it's TOO dark.


F: It turns out I CAN eat hard ice cream. My teeth are strong.

Have to say, hw was quite motivated.


F puts wheel on my head. F puts wheel on Andy Mac's head.

B: Andy's taller than me
F: Why?
B: Why do you think?
F: Because he's not fat!


F: My head is much bigger than yours!
B: It is??
F: Well, it's a lot bigger when you're far away.


F's last conversation before bed: an argument with his mom over who will be Frog and who will be Toad in their lifelong friendship. Melts my heart.


F: Shampoo, you have to use for washing. You can't eat shampoo and you can't drink shampoo. If you do, you'll get super sick.


B: What do you want for breakfast?
F: I don't know. Can you make me a prize?
B: A surprise?
F: Uh huh
B: If I make you a surprise, will you eat it?
F: Uh huh ... unless it's not food


F is in polka dot ("pocanut") pants again. Must've laundry-picked 'em.

F: I wear them 2 days, and then you wash them, and I wear them again.


F has emptied the bookshelves onto the floor.

B: Betcha can't pick up all those books.

Miraculously, he springs into action. Then he slows down.

B: Are you running out of steam?
F: I'm a BOY. Boys don't have steam.


F: Nipples are where the stuff you drink goes. Sometimes they hurt because they're full of drink, but that's okay because they're nipples.


F: I can lie down criss cross applesauce. Sometimes I sleep criss cross applesauce in case I sit up in my sleep.


F: It's good to get exercise. It's good for your brain. If you exercise enough, your brain will go down to your tummy and make it smaller.


F: Why do numbers keep going on and on? I think they should stop at 100.

Well, it's better than why people die.


F: R's not my best friend anymore because she ate dirt.


F doesn't want to go outside until he "gets some punches in." Thankfully he means a hole punch and construction paper, not his sister.


F: R's a rock eater and a dirt eater. I'm a snow eater and food eater and ice cream eater.


Over breakfast this morning...

F: How do you kill people?

(awkward silence)

F: How do you kill people?
M: I don't know. I've never killed anyone.

(pause)

F: How do you kill people?
F: If you don't tell me, then I'll never know.

?

M: That's OK. I don't want you to know.
F: Tell me. Tell me! TELL ME!
F: If you don't tell me, I'll put sunflower seeds in your eyes, up your nose, and in your belly.
M: I don't want to...


F is at his first bounce house party.

F: I want to leave now.
B: You want to leave now? Why?
F: Because I had too much fun!


In bed tonight:

F: How do you kill people?
B: You shouldn't kill people
F: But how do you do it?
B: I'm not going to tell you
F: I'm not going to actually [yes, he uses the word actually] do it. I just want to know how. Mommy wouldn't tell me.
B: I'm not going to tell you either
F: Where do squirrels go in the winter?

Don't ask me where that last came from. Hell, don't ask where any of it came from.


On the way home:

B: Can you strap yourself in [to your car seat]
F: No, my arms are too tired from bowling
(Pause)
F: They're a funny kind of tired. They weren't too tired to play with the big blue ball in the store. But they're too tired for the straps.


Getting out of the car at home:

F: I'm not talking because I'm stinking.
B: Are you poopy?
F: No, I'm stinking.
B (after sniffing): You smell fine to me.
F: No, I'm STINKING! I'm stinking about bowling.
B: You're THINKING?
F: Yeah!


F & R Figure Out the World

F & R Figure Out the World

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