R: When butts aren't connected to you, they go in the butt pocket!
R: I am getting ready for halloween because I LOVE CANDY!!
R doing a fantastic job eating her pasty. She really likes the "cheese bites". (Note. Pasties so not contain cheese. Dough, potatoes, carrots and even meat are all cheese bites according to R.) (Further note: by "pasty", I mean food item, not garment)
B: R, you know I'm going to love you forever now, right?
B: You know why?
R: Because I love YOU!
F: I hope we all die before the sun burns out!
He means it in the most loving of ways
F (truly out of nowhere, pointing at B&M): I like BOTH of you! Daddy, I like you because you protect me better. Mommy, I like you because you're my favorite lover.
F: I'm super good at hide and seek! Even when I can't find a hiding place, people can't see me.
B: Why not?
F: Because I can make myself invisible
F takes great delight in messing up my rubik's cube. Which would be fine if the orange stickers weren't falling off. But they are.
F: Can I play with it again?
B: No, I don't want it messed up right now.
F: I won't mess it up!
B: Yes you will!
F: No I won't.
B: Are you lying?
F: Yeah, but I don't like it.
F has a broken fingernail.
M: Oh, right, trimming his nails is on my list.
R: You don't have to trim his nails, Mommy. When you break a nail you can fix it with your mouth!
B: Did you get some ice cream on your face?
R: No, Daddy, my face is clean.
B: What are you eating now? Toast?
R: Just the butter on top!
We are having scone slices for dessert.
F: I want some of all of them except for the one with meat in it.
I started typing this thinking it was funny that he thought you could get scones with meat.
M: The meat one is maple bacon. Yum.
B: _____ is probably coming over next week to work with me.
M: Is he a vegetarian?
F: What's a vegetarian?
M: Sometime who doesn't eat meat.
B: Like R
F: Yeah, but I'm not a vegetarian. I love meat!
R: Yes you are! You're a vegetarian who loves meat!
R "reading" Anansi the Spider to F. They used to like it, then totally ignored it for like a year. Suddenly, as of yesterday, it's their favorite book. Both picked it for bedtime book last night and tonight. F read it to R this morning while I made breakfast. And now this.
This morning at preschool, after hand washing...
Some other kid: Hi! My shirt says "big brother"
F: Mine has a butter dog on it
SOK (crossing his arms in front so that his elbows are touching): Look! I can do this to block people from hitting me!
F (does same thing): Yeah, no one can hit me now.
Saturday morning, in bed. R crawling on my head. From the other side...
M: Wait, what? It costs me $100 to get out of the bed without you??
F: Yeah ... but cuddling me is free.
F (after throwing a plush mini football through a Nerf basketball hoop): I got a spare! I have 54 points!
R: Daddy, dogs have teeth
B: They do?
B: Do you have teeth?
B: Are you a dog?
R: No. I am a person! Persons have teeth too.
F has two dollar bills.
F: Daddy, why are these a dollar?
B: What else would they be?
F: What if one of them was a hundred dollars?
B: Then we wouldn't have given it to you
R&I play a game where she gives me five again and again and I slide my hand, pretending to try and catch her.
F steps in to take my place. But he's not pretending to try. He uses his other hand to try to catch her whole arm.
R gets upset, and then this happens:
F: See, Daddy, I'm winning!
B: That's not how you win. You win by letting her get what she wants.
R (talking to baby monkeys in stroller): We should go outside!
B: Not until you put socks on.
F: She doesn't mean REAL outside, she means PRETEND outside.
B: Where's pretend outside?
F (most condescending tone possible): Inside.