F has a new toy snake. He slept with it.

F: Some people who love worms are going to think it's a worm, and then they'll see it's a snake!
B: Who loves worms?
F: R does! When she's sad and I need to happy her up, I always say, "R, here comes a wiggly worm!" or "R, here comes pink!" But probably I should start saying "R, here comes pink AND PURPLE"

I've had "I'm From New Jersey" stuck in my head for what feels like months. (I blame Ellen Fred.) F caught me singing it tonight.

F: Why is Daddy singing that?
M: Because he IS from New Jersey. Where is Mommy from?
F: Michigan!
M: And where are you from?
F: You!

Diligent little elf

R: I love my yucky thing! He's sleeping now.
F: I love my yucky things too! But you know who DOESN'T love yucky things?
R: Mommy! She wants us to lose them!
B: Do you think she really wants you to lose them, or she's just pretending?
F: She really hates them. Do you know what else Mommy doesn't like?
B: What?
F: Farts!
R: Yuck! They're too stinky!

R (half crying): Where's my hurty pinchy guy?
B: Your what?
R: My hurty pinchy guy!
F: It's the thing that keeps a loaf of bread closed.
B (knowing damn well I swept it up and threw it out last night, naively assuming it was not precious): Why does she want it?
F: So she can pinch her finger and say ouch!

F & R's favorite card game is Ruckus. Has nothing to do with non-violent protest. It does involve stealing other players' cards.

R: I got pig butts!
F: I like this game because I can do crime!

R: Daddy, what are you making for breakfast?
B: French toast
R: I want pancakes! I don't like French toast!

(5 min later)

B: Do you want some bread pancakes?
R: Yeah! I love bread pancakes!

F&I are playing catch with a cushion:

F: If you throw it and the other person catches it, you get a point. If they don't catch it you lose a point.
B: Why wouldn't I try to miss?

F ignores question.

B: So what's the score now?
F: I won't know until I write it down. (Gets pen and paper) O for Daddy...
B: O? What sound does Daddy start with?
F: (makes B sound)
B: Do you mean (d sound)?
F: No, B for Bobby
B: Ok. And what sound does F start with?
F: I know how to spell me!

F: You get one point if the other person catches your throw. But you get more points if you throw it faster.
B: What if I throw it so fast, it knocks you out of your chair?
F: Then you get a spare! And a thousand points!

F: The score is eight points to eight points. But I can only write down four to five. You should just keep track in your head.

B comes home from swimming. M asleep on couch. Eventually she wakes up.

B: How'd you end up on the couch, mommy?
F: Oh, that's easy, Daddy. We were annoying her in her bed.

M asks R if she wants to go visit a baby. R gets excited.

R: Yes! And if it doesn't have a mom, i will take it!

R: Daddy, can you make sure I don't get sick?
B: What do you mean?
R: If I eat too many noodles, I'll get a tummyache.
B: So don't eat so many noodles.
R: But I like them too much

5 min later. She hasn't had very much.

R: Daddy, can I have some more noodles?
B: Won't you get a tummyache?
R: I already have a tummyache. So I can have as many as I want now.

F: Daddy, sometimes I say I don't like you. But I do. But I love Mommy so much that I forget that I like you at all. Mostly I like you because you're warm.

F really seems to like the Santa train, because it's all Christmas-y and he can maybe see Santa, but he doesn't have to talk to him. Which is huge.

B: Did you eat a lot at Brian and Mark's, or are you going to be hungry when we get off the train?
F (Old Dark Frog voice): I am not hungry now. I have eaten too many tasty frog children. (giggles, reverts to F voice) I might be hungry later, but I'm not sure.
B: Ok. I thought we might get some pizza.
F: We can get pizza. I have a pizza pocket.
B: Where?
F: In my belly. I can put pizza in it even when I'm full!

Passive resistance to being strapped in car seat

Eating dinner with R. She's sad that only one of her quesadilla pieces is small enough. I cut one in half. She's delighted. Grab the others to cut them in half.

R: No! Leave those big! There need to be big pieces to protect the little ones.

Story time before nap.

B: ...and then, I will eat YOU
R: Daddy, will you protect me?
F: Yes. I don't think the Dark Frog will be eating you today.
R: Because he's in the STORY.

R: Hello, rest area, we need to put our pee into you!

R has naked doll.

R: Mommy, can you dress him?
M: Why don't you try it yourself first?
R: Ok...I'm doing it! I can dress him! I'm learning SO MUCH in school!

Tis the season. Pillars at Tano Mall are festooned with green garlands. F insists on feeling one.

B: What does it feel like?
F: If you want to know what it feels like, you can feel it too. But you have to do it now. You can't wait until spring or summer.
B: Because it will be gone then?
F: Yeah. And if it's not, it will be yucky.

Out for a walk, looking at lights.

R: Puppy! Daddy, I like puppies now!
B: You do?? What about doggies?
R: No, I'm still scared of doggies. But when I get bigger, I will like doggies. Some day I'm going to be super big like Dana and Kerry. Then I will be a giant!

Note, the puppy was not a puppy. It was a bichon frise.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

So R calls planet Mercury "cutie". No one knows why.

B: Do you know what a Venus flytrap is?
R: No.
B: Ok. Crawl up here. (she does, and I grab her) It's like this!

R giggles

B: Want another?
B: No, this time I want a cutie flytrap!

R's portrait of herself and F

F says that the pedometer that he got from Santa is his favorite present. I believe him, too. He is wearing it to bed tonight so he doesn't miss any steps.

R (watching video about the the planets, Jupiter section): I need to shake this one up!
B: Why?
R: Because it's Jupiter!
B: Why does Jupiter need to be shaken up?
R: Jupiter always needs to be shook up.

There you have it.

Clattering, impact sounds of something falling.

B: What was that?
F: A bottle.
B: Can I see it?
F: It's green.
B: Can you bring it to me?

He does. It's an unbreakable, empty, metal water bottle.

B: Where was it before it fell?
F: In the air.

R: My cup has monsters on it.
F: Good thing I'm near the X. Delete! Delete! Delete!
R: But they're NICE monsters!

Best kind of little travelers.