R: The flag is still here, but the buddy that used to be here is gone. It wasn't a real buddy, it was fake.
B: A fake buddy?
R: No! Like that one, only fake.
B: Oh. A birdy!
B: Which do you like better, real birdies or fake ones?
R: Real ones. Because I can catch them.
B: Have you every caught a real birdie?
R: No ... Daddy, you know real birdies can fly, right?
R: Ooh! Lilacs!
B: Why do you like lilacs so much?
R: Because they smell so nice and they're so purple!
After a long-ish playground equipment spin:
R: Daddy, the world is going crazy! (sees me) Daddy, YOU'RE going crazy!
What are we doing to these kids?
F cajoles into giving him a spoonful of honey.
F: Mommy, this isn't real honey, is it?
M: Of course it's real. Why are you even asking?
F: If it was really real, wouldn't it have crystals in it?
Speaking of "is this real", I fielded reality questions from R on this morning's walk about:
a papier-mache Cat in the Hat
#2 is always a tough question to interpret. Is the statue real? Is the Cat in the Hat real? Is the statue really the Cat in the Hat?
F inhales a piece of French toast.
M: Where'd it go?
B: Into your hollow leg?
F: No, it went into la cabeza!
F: Can I do ANYTHING to get ANY MONEY?
M: You can pick up the living room.
B: If you're strong enough.
F: I can pick up the whole house.
F, instead of using a washcloth, is applying hand soap to his feet, and then lifting his feet to rinse them in the kitchen sink.
B: Are you sure that's a good idea?
F: Why wouldn't it be?
B: Well, aside from the huge mess you're making, soap's slippery.
B: And what can happen if you put slippery things on your feet?
F: I could fall down ... or I could twirl better!
R: Daddy, did you know that Frog is a frog?
R: And, Daddy, Toad is a toad that looks like a frog.
F and M are having a tea partypicnic in the living room.
M: It turns out R likes dinosaur meat.
R: But only if it's dead! I like tyrannosaurus rex the best, but only the little ones. The big ones taste funny.
B salts food, puts salt mill down.
R: No, Daddy, here (points to spot on table between her and M) is the share spot.
B puts salt mill in share spot.
R: See, Daddy? Here (points to different spot, in middle of table) is the spot we all can reach. But the share spot is over here by me and Mommy because we're the ones who like salt the most.
R: I want to eat too much watermelon and eat too much water.
R: Because if I eat too much water, I'll get big and strong, and I won't get sick. Mommy, you should eat too much water so you don't be sick anymore, too!
B: Stop jumping on the bed.
R: We're not jumping. We're a caballo!
F: Are you sure I can't dump you at the end?
R: No dumping! This is a no dumping zone!
F: You can dump ME if you want!
R: I'm not dumping anyone hahahaha!
B: Your face is covered in peanut butter. Can you wipe it?
F: I don't want to.
B: Why not?
F: My napkin is clean and I don't want to get it dirty.
B/F/R get to car and unlock it. B buckles R, goes around to help F with the latch that gives him trouble. But he's still outside the car.
B: Why aren't you strapping yourself in?
F: I'm too busy watching it snow!
Snow = cottonwood.
R: Daddy, F's taking off his band-aid. No, F! NO, F! NOOOOO F!!!
B: R, you don't have to yell at him unless he's hurting you or being mean to you. F, I'd rather you keep it on but you can take it off if you want.
R: But he's breaking my heart!
Leaving the Y:
B: We're rolling!
F: If we were a family of balls, we could really roll!
B: Do you know what Uncle Jeff and Aunt Betsy and baby O's last name is?
B: It's Ball.
F: So THEY'RE a family of Balls! I bet they're really good at rolling!
B: We can find out when we see them later.
F: They're having a party today!
B: Yeah, Uncle Jeff's becoming a doctor. And there are going to be other Balls there, too.
F: Can they roll, too?
B: We'll see.
R: When I want to roll, I just lay down on my side and roll down a hill.
R has been doing something artsy.
B: R, your fingers are funny colors.
R: I know. They're yucky and they're sickly.
F brings me his dinner plate. It appears he's eaten an entire hot dog.
B: Did you eat the whole thing?
F spits out last bite onto plate.
B: Too big a bite?
F: No, I just didn't like it.
B: The last bite?
F: The whole hot dog.
B: Why'd you eat the rest of it?
F: I didn't notice.
F is sick, so we have popsicles. F has finished his first. So has R.
F: Can I have another one?
M: We need to wait a minute and see how you feel.
The flavors in this box of popsicles are watermelon, strawberry, blue raspberry, and "mystery white." Both kids are eating the white ones.
B: So what do the white ones taste like?
F: I think it tastes like strawberry or raspberry.
B: What about you, R?
R: Mine tastes like F's!
F: Did you just say that you're going to be me soon?
F: You're never going to be me!
R: I amn't?
F: No. (in a not-taunting way) You're never going to be a boy, and you're never going to be named F, and you'll never be as old as me.
R: Yeah, when I'm five, you'll be six.
F: No, when you're five, I'll be seven.
R: When I'm seven, you'll be six?
F: I just can't explain ANYTHING to you.
Best thing ever.
R (jumping on her bed, giddy with excitement): Daddy, I just figured out, I love naps! I really love them!
R: Daddy, I saw an animal in the basement?
B: Was it a bear?
R: No! Maybe a squirrel. It was little. And big. And medium. Just like me.
F: I'm going to get you a present at the arts festival today. It's going to be really nice. And it's also going to be cheap, because if I have money left over, I can get something for myself, too.
F: Where are you going?
M: To order you some food.
M: I don't know yet. I haven't seen the menu.
F: Find out everything on the menu, then come out and tell me all of it, and then I'll tell you what I want.
F got yet another stuffed snake at yet another art fair booth.
F: I think I'm going to name him Hissy Bissy. Or maybe Attack Snake. The frog I got yesterday, I named Ribbit Frog.
Thought we were having a totally different conversation than we were:
F: Daddy, why are big dogs some of your favorite dogs?
B: I dunno. Maybe it's because you expect something that big might be mean, and then it's a surprise when it's super-nice.
F: What if it was raining broccoli?
F: What if it was raining broccoli?
R: I'd make sure it rained some in my mouth.
F: I'd probably catch it, and throw it at cars. And it'd stick to the cars. And we'd have broccoli cars. And the broccoli would go in and out of the cars. Forever.
B: Would you eat it?
F: No, it'd be covered in car yuck then.
R runs through sprinkler.
B: You look happy!
R: I AM happy! F is being really nice to me!
B: He is?? Why is he being nice?
R: Because Mommy made him.
B: Really? How did she do that? What did she say?
R: She said, "Cake!"
Am I remembering it wrong, or does she look like a campaign ad from before I was born?
R looks across the street at the house painter who's wearing a ventilation mask.
R: Mommy, is that guy a superhero?
R: I'm a superhero. Do you want to be a superhero too?
R: Ok, you can be a superhero-without-a-cape, since you don't have a cape. I'm Girl Batman!
R: Daddy, we don't hit. EXCEPT, when we cooperate, and our hands hit each other, that's ok, because it's a HIGH FIVE!
It's hot. We've been outside all day. Buckling F into car seat.
F: Yuck! Daddy, your arms are making me wet!
B: Sorry, kid.
F: I don't want you buckling me in again until the winter!
Typical Goldstein family gathering...
R: (Cousin) K told me there was noodles! And there WAS noodles! I love K so much! And I love (cousin) D and Mommy and (her stuffed) Panda!
B: And Aunt Nancy!
R (whispers in my ear): No, I'm scared of Aunt Nancy.
Uncle Matt sits down.
B: Are you scared of Uncle Matt too?
R (laughing): No. I know he's never really going to cut F's fingers off.