F & R Figure Out the World

August 2013

Newest entries

Ant trapped under jar lid. Looking up through glass tabletop. Fascinated.


F hates shopping trips. This one wasn't so bad, because baseball mitt. On way home.

B: So, either we can head straight home, or we can stop at seventeen more stores first. Which do you prefer?
F: Seventeen more stores!
B: How many of them have to be ice cream stores?
F: Only sixteen. The other one can be a car wash.


M is washing blueberries. One falls.

R: Daddy, Mommy's attracting mice!
F: Yeah, it literally rolled under the fridge.
B: Should I pick up the fridge so you can go under and get it?
F: No, it'll roll back out.
B: Good, because I can't lift the fridge.
R: But the movers could!


Overnight house guests. Guests get kids' room, kids sleep in our (enormous, windows-having) closet.

F: Daddy, in the morning, will you give me some of the peter wood?
B: The what??
F: The little round wood things you put on hangers to make stuff smell good.
B: The CEDAR wood.
F: Yeah!


R is protesting bedtime.

R: But Daddy, when I'm really sad, no one can happy me up unless I get what I want!

Eternal truth, that


R: I love blueberries!
M: Me too. (Puts blueberries in mouth.)
R: What if your mouth was SO WIDE, you could put the whole bowl in your mouth?
M: Then you'd be a giant... Maybe Uncle Ken could do it


At wedding reception, R playing with origami.

R: Look at my swan!
M: Actually, R, that's a crane.
R (imagine the most withering tone possible. Make it more condescending): Mommy, it's a bird!


R: Ow! The back of my leg hurts!
M: Let me see. I think you have a blister on your foot.
R: No! I only get blisters from my blister shoes! I love these shoes! They're purple!
M: Maybe it's a bug bite?
R: No! Bug bites only itch! They don't hurt!
B: Maybe it's a tiger bite?
R: No!!!
B: Maybe it's a fairy bite?
R: No! Fairies are nice!
M: It's a blister. You should wear socks with those shoes from now on.
R: No! These shoes won't hurt me. They're purple!


Getting ready to go to cousin L's birthday party. M starts to fill out card.

R: No, let me write in it!
M: Ok, here you go.
R: I want to draw something that L likes... He likes me! I'm going to draw me!


Margy thinks she tired them out.


Child logic #1. Cuddling in bed, way past his bedtime:

F: No, Daddy, don't go! I never get a chance to talk to you! Because during the day I'm too busy playing to want to talk to you!


Child logic #2: R takes piece of bread off M's breakfast plate.

M: Hey. That's mine. I was going to eat that!
R: But I like it.


Sprinkler fun, part deux.


R picks Where the Wild Things are for the fourth time in a row as a bedtime book, after largely ignoring it for 3+ years.

B: Why allofasudden do you like this book so much?
R: Because it's really scared, but I have protecties ... and there's a rumpus!


R: Dinner is for if you're hungry. You use it to get not hungry. But you DON'T use it if you're not hungry or you want to get dead.


R: Poppa is nice to us because he loves us. And he never bites us!
F: Yeah, but sometimes he squeezes us when we don't want him to.
R: That's because he loves us.
M: Even if someone loves you, they shouldn't squeeze you if you don't want them to.
R: But I love Poppa, because he buys us ice cream and makes you mad, Mommy!


R: If I were a REAL Leia, I think I would be in space, because I think a lot of Star Wars is in space


R: When I grow up, I want to be a princess.
B: Why?
R: Because they look cool and I've never seen one.
B: Um, are there other things you want to be?
R: Yeah! I want to grow up to be a frog!


F is complaining about bedtime.

F: The days are just TOO SHORT! You play for a little while and then some grown-up starts bugging you about eating. And they make you hungry. And then you play a little and it happens all over again.
R: And then some grown-up tells you to go to bed!
F: Yeah!


B: Do you know your shirt's on backwards?
F: Yeah.
B: Seems like every time you wear a tie-dye shirt, it goes on backwards. Do you like them better that way?
F: No, I don't care. I just don't feel like putting in the effort to turn it around. So whatever way it goes on, that's the way it stays.


B & R are rolling around on the floor playing Zoey and Cat.

B: Can I stop being Zoey now and go back to being me?
R: You can stop being Zoey and be anybody else, except you.
B: Can I be Uncle Michael?
R: No!
B: Why not?
R: You have hair.


F is out of bed.

F: Daddy, I'm scared.
B: Of what?
F: It's too scary to even say ... I was thinking. About a house with an upper floor and a lower floor. And the way you get down from the upstairs to the downstairs is on a wheel. You get on at the top and you get strapped in. So when you get to the bottom, you're upside down. And a person unstraps you and helps you down, and then they take you to a room. And there's lasers and sludge shooting all around.


R: I don't like rainy nights!
B: Why?
R: Because it's thunderstormy, and rain falls down, and if you sleep outside, BATS can come! (Unfortunately, I think this is a callback to the "bats" entry of this)
F: I'm scared of being outside during thunderstorms. Because even though you probably won't get struck by lightning, you might.


Poor Mommy (wait for it...):

My office is upstairs. Bedrooms (one of which is where R naps) are also upstairs.

Near-daily occurrence: Sounds of shuffling feet. Sounds of door opening. Flash of blue and white as R tear-asses to the stairs avoiding eye contact.

Today only: I'm downstairs a little later.

B: R, why do you run so fast from your room to the stairs after your nap?
R: I don't want you to get me!
B: Why? What do you think I'm going to do? Eat you?
R: I think I'm going to disappoint you!
B: Huh. What do you think "disappoint" means?
R: I don't know what it means! But I don't want to do it!
B: People get disappointed when they think something's going to happen, and it doesn't, and they wish it did. F, if we don't have ice cream for dinner tonight, will you be disappointed?
F: (Doesn't answer. Judging by the look on his face, I think he's trying to figure out an answer that will get him ice cream for dinner.)
B: Ok, um, if you go to I's party tomorrow and there's no cake and ice cream, will you be disappointed?
F: Yeah!
B: That's what "disappoint" means. R, do you really run like that so you don't disappoint me?
R: That's just what you think it means! Only Mommy really knows what "disappoint" means!

Like I said, poor Mommy


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F & R Figure Out the World

F & R Figure Out the World

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