B: Were you in our bed all night?
R: No, I crawled in in the middle.
B: That explains why I'm all kinds of sore today - it felt like there was a wiggly thing crowding me out of bed and kicking me.
R: I wasn't kicking you. I was getting you to love my feet!
B: Ugh. And why exactly were you in our bed?
R: I looked to see where F was, and he wasn't there, so I went looking for him.
B: HE was in our bed too?
Ugh indeed. No wonder there was no room.
R: We got a salad with the pizza. But nobody ate it.
M: Yeah, why didn't we eat any?
B: The whole thing is covered with black olives. Yuck!
F&R: Can we have some olives?
B lets each of them take a handful.
F: These olives go GREAT with the cake and ice cream!
R: This is my special apple. It's special because it had a little friend that's always with it. And it loves it and protects it.
B: That's the third apple in a row you've eaten from that tree. You must really like them!
F: They're like ice cream!
R: Ooh, my pink blankie. I love my pink blankie. It warms me up so fast. It's like TELEPORTING!
Simultaneously awesome and disturbing things to hear a 3-year-old yell from the back deck, part 1:
R: Daddy, I made some brown chemistry!
They had been mixing vinegar and baking soda. She poured some apple cider into the mix. Nothing to see here, folks, move along.
Shh, don't tell F. It's his frog.
M (to F/R): Your great-grandmother's birthday is today. But she's dead, and we don't really count dead people's birthdays.
R: But WE'RE not dead. We could have cake and ice cream for her, and we could eat hers because she can't eat it!
R is marching around the living room wearing no pants waving an American flag.
R: I'm not marching! This flag is a warning to all the people who want to come over who aren't invited. It tells them they can come!
There's gotta be a metaphor in there somewhere.
R is doing fingers-do-the-walking on my t-shirt with an outline of the Lower 48.
R: Daddy, I'm walking in North Mexico!
F: That song you sing me sometimes at night about Staying Awake? I was thinking about why you'd be telling someone to stay awake when the world is fast asleep and the moon is in the sky. I think it's a song for nocturnal creatures. Probably bats.
R: Mommy, can you draw a person and cut it out?
M: Sure, what kind of person should I draw?
R: Oh, just the kind of person I want.
M: Yes, but what do you want?
R: Just draw the right kind of person?
M: I don't know what that is.
R: Just do your best and I'm sure it'll be fine.
Extra points for M for doing this pre-coffee
Like father, like son...
R: Mommy, I want to go with you!
M: So go put on pants and come with me!
F: Where are you going?
M: To a quilt show.
F: I'm a Weather Helper now. I'm not a Table Washer anymore.
B: What does a Weather Helper do?
F: We color in the weather for the day on the Weather Chart. I don't color the whole thing, I HELP color it. I get to help with Sunny and Rainy.
R: Daddy, did you come into my room while I was sleeping and kiss me?
B: Of course. You were funny last night. You were almost like you were awake, but your eyes were closed.
R: But I don't sleep with my eyes closed!
B: Yes, you do. Actually, I guess I don't know that for sure, but every time *I* see you sleeping, your eyes are closed.
R: Well, I don't. I sleep with my eyes open. I own my body and I can tell it what to do.
F is teaching R a new way to draw stick figures.
F: Here's how to do the legs. You do an upside-down V. Almost like an A, but no cross. You have to remember that there's no cross. It's very important.
Afternoon walk. Met a neighbor. R was totally silent, as is her custom with adults she does not know. Walking away, she was still silent.
B: Hey - are you ok?
R: (nods head)
B: It's just that you're not talking
R: I know. It was just people and I didn't want to make the people go away
B: The only people now are me and you.
R: Not people, PEOPLE!
B: It was peaceful and you didn't want to ruin it?
B: We need to clean up your stuffed animals. Where do they go?
R: On the floor.
B: Uh, no. They need to get off the floor.
R: On the couch?
B: Nope. How about this green toybox?
R: Sure! If you take out all the other toys and dump them on the floor.
B: I'm cleaning. Why would you want me to do that?
R: So I can find my animals later.
B: How about if I put them at the TOP of the toys in the green box?
R: Yeah! As long as you don't dig a hole in the other toys and bury them at the bottom.
Touchdowns in his sleep
Took F around door to door fundraising tonight for his school. To say it brought back memories would be the world's largest understatement. F had a great time.
Person: What are you doing?
F: We're money-trick-or-treating.
B: [Something that, if one really strained, could be interpreted in a prurient way]
M: That's what she said!
R: Why did I say that? I didn't really say that. Mommy, you're so funny!
First thing in the morning:
F (groggy): Is it time to get up ALREADY?
B: It's actually a little late. I let you sleep in a little. But you should look out the window.
R gets there first.
R: IT'S SNOWING!!!!! Hooray!
B: You love snow, don't you? And it looks like it might stick.
R: Yay!!! It's my favorite food!
Overheard snippet from the other room. File under "intentionally missing the point."
R: That's my rhinoceros and I'm playing with it.
F: That's not a rhinoceros. It's a triceratops.
R: I'm superfast in the snow, because my snow boots have only one speed, and it's a fast speed.
Note: None of the above is true.
R: I'm a cat. And I'm scary. And I'm bleeding.
Cuddling in bed. R squirms.
R: Hold on, my hair is everywhere. I need to fix it.
B: Ok. But should we just cut it all off so it doesn't cause any more problems?
R: No, then I'd be just like Uncle Michael.
B: And Uncle Matt, right?
R: No, Uncle Michael shaves his head. Uncle Matt just doesn't have any hair.
B: Why are you wearing that apron?
R: I went upstairs to make myself scary.
B: Um, are you scary now?
R: No, I accidentally turned into a princess.