F & R Figure Out the World

January 2014

Newest entries

I don't THINK so...

F (running around house): My jetpack makes me faster than the Millennium Falcon!

Overheard as she and Margy walked downstairs:

R: I need a flashlight and a long stick! Get me one ... please?

R: Mommy! You're always telling me joke things like kiss my nose or tickle my armpit, and it's just not appropriate!
M: What about if I say I'll love you forever?
R: That's fine. That's not not appropriate.

R: Daddy, I need you to stop the car so I can pee.
B: Well be home in three minutes. Can you wait that long?
R: Ok. Daddy, did you know that if I have to poop, I can actually wait more than an hour if I have to?
B: Uh, really? How?
R: I just make a face like this [sadly, this is forever lost to history due to my inability to see her face while driving] and then I poop in my pants.

F: Boy, Daddy, it's a lot easier to do this when we start on flat ground. And when you help.

Yes, yes it is.

R: But you won't have any blood, and when you don't have any blood you can't be alive!
F: That's why we should stay away from vampires.
R: But your heart still pumps, and you'll have more blood.
F: No, the vampire can suck out the blood faster than your heart can make new blood.
R: Oh!
F: So you better get your weapons
R: But the vampire has...
F: No, he doesn't have them anymore, you have them back.
R: Awesome! But what about the witch?
F: She found out I was magic proof, so she decided to be a vampire instead.
R: Yeah!
F: Here, I'm going to pop the balloons and then your weapons will fall out.
R: F! Isn't it great to be alive?

R: Daddy, I'm going to move my food over so I can sit on F's chair with him because I love watching him play Where's My Water.
B: Only if it's ok with F.
F: It's ok

R: Oh! My Hello Kitty shirt! Every time I find it, and it's clean, I wear it!
B: I'm glad you like it. Here. Can you put these clothes away in your drawers?
R: Mostly, but I'm going to WEAR my Hello Kitty shirt. Because I always wear it as soon as I find it and it's clean! Remember, Daddy? We talked about this once.

B: What are you playing with?
R: I have a broomicorn!

R: Daddy, did you know that F and I got to touch a cactus last week? And it wasn't poky! And Poppa led us to all the cool stuff. He knows where all the cool stuff there is. And there was a tunnel that I pretend was a double ended cave. And there was a person there named A. And A wasn't allowed to be away from her Mommy unless she was with her sisters and sometimes she wasn't and so I tried to chase her back to her Mommy and she wouldn't go she just hided because she was afraid of me even though the whole time I was chasing her I kept yelling, "I'm nice!" and really she just needed to be with a person!
B: Was she bigger than you?
R: I don't know because she was hiding and so I didn't get to measure with her but I just wanted her to be with her Mom!

Spent last night exiled to the couch by sick daughter.

B: Did you and R sleep well last night?
Margy: I think R did. She took over the whole bed.
R: I didn't just take over the whole bed. I took over the whole Mommy, too!

R: Daddy, did you know fairies never wear big dresses?
B: Why not?
R: Because they're so little. And did you know you never see a fairy?
B: Why not?
R: Because they're so fast and so teeny!
B: So how do we know there are fairies?
R: And so... also you never see them because they don't live where people live.
B: Wait, so how do we know there are fairies?
R: Because we know the word!

B: Are you going to put on your fairy wings now?
R: No, Daddy, this is a princess thing. Don't you remember? We just talked about this. Fairies don't wear big dresses.

F: Good morning, Daddy!
B: Good morning, F!
F: Why didn't you wake me up at 6:30 like I asked you to?
B: I did. You groaned and rolled over and went back to sleep.
F: What time is it now?
B: 7:30
F: You waited a whole 'nother hour?????
B: Yep. You need the sleep. By the way, why were you in our bed?
F: I got up in the middle of the night to pee. And then it was boring in my bed. There was nothing to do there but think, and think, and think.

R: Daddy, I'm only attracted to girls. And boys who look like girls.
B: Oh. What does that mean?
R: Well, I'm attracted to girls, and I'm attracted to boys if they wear girls' clothes.
B: That part, I get. But what do you mean by attracted?
R: Attracted means I like their clothes.

R: Daddy, I'm playing dress-up. I think I'm winning.

Note that she has seen NONE of the entertainments she is talking about.

R: Daddy, did you know that sometimes pod racers can go incredibly fast? A lot faster than you think they can go!
B: Oh yeah?
R: Yeah! Sometimes they can even go faster than the Lemon Falcon!
B: What else?
R: I think they can go so fast that they might even be faster than Lightening McQueen!

Well, better than her usual approach. 9:30 AM she wanders into my office.

R: Daddy, Can I have some ice cream as a snack?
B: I love you, but no way.
R: Ok.

(Pause 10 sec.)

R: Daddy, I took no for an answer!
B: Yes, you did.
R: Daddy, didn't I do a GREAT JOB taking no for an answer?
B: Uh, sure.
R: Daddy, since I did such a great job taking no for an answer, Can I have some ice cream now?
B: Sorry, still no.
R (genuinely surprised): Awww!

R: Daddy, I made up a game. It's called "adventure as the day is gone." Do you want to play?
B: How do you play?
R: You sing, "adventure as the day is gone," and then you do what I say.

In car.

R: Can you turn on the radio?

M turns on the radio. It's playing what we later learn is a piano piece by Poulenc.

R: Mommy, can you fix the radio? It's just making tinkly sounds. Can you make it say "adventures as the day is gone"?

R: Daddy, this is called a tutu. It's a ballet thing you wear but we call it a tutu because "ballet thing you wear" takes too long to say.
B: So it's a tutu?
R: Yeah! That's what it's called! And do you know how to spell it? It's tu-tu, just like the number twice
B: Huh. So it's not a threethree?
R: No, threethree's not a word. I know this because it's not on my computer. If something's not on my computer it's not a real word. And tutu is on my computer.

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F & R Figure Out the World

F & R Figure Out the World