B: Hey, I was talking to Miss C today about how you're doing in school. One of the things she said is that you're doing really well in math because you really focus on it and work hard.
F: I'm not doing really well at math because I work hard. I'm doing really well at math because I'm really good at it.
B: Well, maybe, but we should find things at math that you DO have to work hard at.
F: Like what?
B: Maybe adding and subtracting 2-digit numbers?
F: I can do that.
B: Really? What's 24 + 25?
F (no hesitation at all): 49
B: Huh. Ok, what's 180 - 61
F: 49. Well, it's in the 40s
B: That's not right.
F: Oh. Yeah, it's 39.
B: 180 - 61 is 39??
F: I thought you said 100 - 61.
R: Daddy, are you going to make dinner on the grill?
R: Are you grilling meat?
B: Don't worry, we'll make you something else.
R: Hooray! I have to go inside and wash my hands because I love touching yucky things!
R: Daddy, I found a wormy outside, and so I brought him in!
B: Are you going to carry him around for the rest of its life?
R: I call all worms "her". And I don't know what else to do with him.
B: Maybe put it, I mean her, in some dirt? Like in the plants Mommy has over there?
R (starting to cry): But I just brought her IN! I don't want to bring her back out... wait! There's dirt in Mommy's plants over there! I could put them in THAT dirt!
B: What a great idea. I wish I'd thought of that.
R puts two something (worms? worm pieces?) in the dirt.
B: Did you bring in two worms?
R: I don't know. Maybe I broke it in half. I can't remember. This one is moving and that one isn't moving.
R: Dig, little wiggly worm! Be free!
R: Alia okra!
B: Is that a person?
R: No, I just like to pretend my hands are people. (starts singing) Ollie and Okra, whenever we're together we have fun! Ollie and Okra, they're the best friends!
Bad ideas file:
F: Can I have another slice of salami?
M: Ok, here!
F: Look! I made a salami paper airplane!
B&M, simultaneously: DON'T THROW IT!!
F: I ate it!
R: Can I have a salami slice so I can make an airplane, too? (Note: there is zero chance R will eat salami.)
M: Are you SURE you won't throw it?
R: I won't throw it... I threw it!
R: Now I'm making a salami paper airplane out of my napkin. It's more appropriate.
B: (Sings Don Gato)
R: But that's impossible! Things that are dead don't come back to life!
B: What do you think, F?
F: I think it's a made up story.
F: Because basically everything in it is impossible.
B: Like what?
F: Like, cats don't sit on roofs.
M: Actually, THAT, they do.
F: Well, they don't READ LETTERS on roofs, do they?
B: (Sings the second verse of De Colores)
R (excited): I know that song!!
M: From Puerta Abierta?
R: No, from we have the book. Daddy, song the rest of it!
B: There's only two verses, I think, and I only remember one, and I just sang it.
R: There's THREE verses!
B: There are?!
R: There's the you - sing - it verses, there's the book verses, and there's the in - Spanish verses.
B: Did you dry off?
R: I'm rubbery dry.
B: What's that?
R: It's when you dry yourself off and you don't do as good a job as a grownup would and so you're dry but you're still a little wet and it's hard to put your underwear and your tutu on because your skin is a little rubbery.
F: Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Uncle M: Because they're donuts?
R: Because if they lived by the bay, they'd be called bagels (breaks down into raucous laughter)
B: How do you get down off an elephant?
B: You don't, you get down off a goose.
R: NO! To get down off a real elephant, you slide down the trunk.
F: Yeah, and then you end up in a tree, and you climb down the trunk. But the trunk is poison oak so you get really itchy!
B: R, did you get your own purple paper?
R: No, Mommy gave it to me when I ripped it out of her hand because it was purple!
We are in car, taking shelter from rain, waiting for Margy to finish hair appointment.
B: I'm going to drive around the block again.
R: Don't leave Mommy here!
B: Do I look like the kind of person who would leave Mommy at the hairdressers?
F: Yeah, better to leave her at a restaurant... with a bed.
R: Daddy, this cup is even cooler than an English muffin! And the straw doesn't come out.
B: What does come out?
R: Hair comes out if you pull it. Uncle M did that a LOT!
Horrible, horrible screeching noises.
B: Whatever you're doing, it needs to be quieter or it needs to stop.
R: It's not me. It's my water bottle. It's screaming because I'm drinking its blood.
M: Look at that toe. We need to start treating it with the wart stick.
M: We're going to do it tonight. We did it with F. He'll tell you it didn't hurt at all.
R: No, Mommy, say no.
M: But I'm going to do it.
R: I know. But say you're not, and then surprise me!
You say slide, I say Van Der Graaf generator.
R: Daddy, no more touching me when I'm on the slide. It hurts too much. EXCEPT, you need to help me not touch the wood chips. Because if you touch the wood chips, you get a super shock unless your name has the same letters as F's.
R: Can we *please* go swimming?
The game of Pooh sticks ended in a tie.
Uncle M showed the kids around the outside of his house.
R: Daddy! We found a green onion and we pulled it up and we whacked each other with it and it hurt but it was a funny hurt so it was ok.
R: I need to rest.
B: Ok. When you get back up, we're going to go around the next bend. If there's a good place to picnic, we'll do it. If there isn't, we'll go back to the picnic place we walked past, ok?
R: Ok, but I'm really tired.
B: I know, but either way, it's mostly downhill, right?
R: Yeah, but hiking downhill really freaks me out. And that's why I hate hiking.
B: But there's lots of pretty stuff to see, right?
R: Yeah. But this isn't how I thought it would be.
B: How did you think it would be?
R: I thought it would be easy peasy. I thought there'd be so many trees that we'd have to pull ourselves along by the trees.
Hotel. B flops onto pull out couch.
R: Let's cuddle, Daddy! (flops) It's a good thing you're in my bed, because we can cuddle and also I'm really tired.
B: So you want to go right to sleep?
R (indignant): I'm waiting for hot water!
B: So we'll cuddle until your water is hot, and then you'll brush, and THEN we'll cuddle you to sleep?
B: By the way, what are you going to do with the hot water?
R (pondering): I don't know.
B: Are you going to drink it?
R: Daddy, hot water isn't a thing for people to drink!
F is awake. First thing, he wants to hear "Aikendrum" (we have the Nields' version).
F: Why did he live IN the moon? I can see why he would live ON the moon, but how do you live in a piece of rock?
Rock pile at rest stop = infinite fun.
R: We're climbing Mount Everest and we're gathering rubies and emeralds!
Bottom right corner of picture = gem cache.
R: Daddy, there's snow for me to eat ONE MORE TIME!
Out on a fuzzy pink adventure.
Got to listen to R playing with dolls by herself while I checked the messages on my phone this morning. Highlights:
Orange-haired doll: Mommy, can I watch a show? Please?
Blue-haired doll: Just one, and then you have to play outside with me, and only if you promise not to ask for another one right after.
Pink crocodile: Don't worry, I'll protect you from the little dog who isn't scary at all.
In case we thought she wasn't listening.
F: I'm a villager!
B: In Minecraft?
F: Yeah. Villagers don't have arms, see?
F: Daddy, did you know that you can get a girlfriend in Minecraft?
B: Do you want a girlfriend?
F: No, I want a walking diamond block.
R: Look, Daddy, that dinosaur is huge!
B: It IS huge, but it's not a dinosaur, it's a whale.
R: Daddy, EVERYTHING that is just bones is a dinosaur. Even people skeletons are dinosaurs!
F: I saw real live dinosaurs moving around!
M: You did? How?
F (teeth chattering): Can I have some more (ice cream)?