F & R Figure Out the World

May 2015

Newest entries

B: I thought you loved bubbles.
R: I do, but they're the enemy, so I need to smash them!

B: I thought you loved bubbles.
R: I do, but they're the enemy, so I need to smash them!

R: Everyone in Winnie the Pooh is a stuffed animal except Christopher Robin. But he plays with them and pretends they're real. It's JUST like what I do with MY stuffed animals. It's the most fun thing ever.

Something wrong with our accents around the house?

R: Want to know something I don't like?
B: Sure!
R: I don't like saying fake Spanish words to people who really know Spanish words.
B: But you like saying fake Spanish words to people who don't know Spanish?
R: Yeah. Like (school best friend) E.
B: Can you give me an example.
R: Yeah. Boggy-giggy.

F growls at R.

B: R, remember how when you get in a bad mood and you want everyone to stay away and you don't want anyone to talk to you? Maybe we should leave F alone this morning until he wakes up a little more.
R: Daddy, I DON'T DO THAT! I just growl and don't answer and tell you to stay away because I want you to stay away but I DO want you to talk to me! Besides, I always, always, always want Mommy.

F: I'm a tomatotarian!
M: All you eat is tomatoes?
F: No, it means NOTHING can make me eat tomatoes.
B: Do you like pizza?
F: I mean, I like things with tomatoes in them, like ketchup and tomato sauce. But nothing can make me eat tomatoes.
R: I'm not like that. I don't like tomatoes, but there are things that could make me eat them. If you gave me 100 diamonds and 100 emeralds, and 100 minutes of Mommy cuddles, and another 100 minutes of Mommy snuggles, I'd eat a tiny bite of a tomato. So I'm not a... what F says he is.

Attention parents who may watch my children: they have got it in their heads that butter and jelly is an acceptable sandwich. If they ask for a BJ, that's what they mean.


R: If you are friends with the neighbors in your neighborhood, then you actually live in a friendhood.

R: Daddy, I'm mad at you.
B: Um, why?
R: Because you dropped Mommy off first, and I wanted her to take me into school. You ALWAYS take me into school, and I ALWAYS want Mommy to do it!
B: Um, when was the last time I took you into school instead of Mommy?
R: I don't know. A long time ago. But you ALWAYS do it.
B: And who decided I was dropping Mommy off first?
R: Mommy
B: So are you mad at Mommy too?
R: No
B: Um, so why are you mad at me instead of Mommy?
R: Because I like Mommy too much to be mad at her. Also, because you're the one who's here.
B: But...

One minute later.

R: Daddy, I'm not mad at you anymore.
B: Well, good. Why not?
R: Because I remembered that I like you!

Spontaneous art project of the day.

R: I call her Flowerhead. Because her head looks like a flower.

Q4KIDZ at Martini's:

B: If you could ask an animal three questions, what would they be?
R: Do you love me? Do you know how much I love you? Can we snuggle all day? Daddy, did you know that my animal is Mommy?
B: If you could build anything for Mommy, real or imaginary, what would it be?
R: I don't know yet. It depends what Mommy wants. Daddy, did you know that the best way to give someone a good present is to ask them what they want? Except it probably wouldn't work because whenever I ask Mommy, "What do you want?" she always says, "You!"

Sadly, he's misreading the word "cyan"

B: What color do you say your jacket is?
F: Usually I say it's blue, but sometimes I say it's clam.
B: Clam?
F: It's a minecraft color. For wool. You can only buy it from certain people. They travel in groups.
B: CLAN wool?
F: Yeah. I think if you can't find the right wool, you can buy regular wool and clan dye and make it.

Ok, kid, you win.

R: Daddy, I KNOW it's going to start raining. But we NEED the hose. We're playing The Worm on the West [Wet?] Side! We're rescuing worms and it's a job for the hose!

F: Daddy, R is saying words that aren't real words and I AMN'T.

F: Daddy, R didn't do any of her getting-ready-for-bed-stuff. She didn't brush, she didn't floss, she didn't wash, and she DIDN'T EVEN PUT ON UNDERWEAR!
R: Yes I did!
B: Come here and talk to me.
R: Ok. La la la!
B: You definitely didn't brush your teeth. Go back to the bathroom now and do all that stuff.

R says nothing and sits on bedroom floor.

B: One ... two ... three...

R crawls into bathroom. Immediate sound of toothbrush.

B: You need to use toothpaste.
R: Awwwww!!

B walks into bathroom.

B: What's all this water doing all over the floor?!
F: R was dumping cups of water on the floor.
B: You didn't think that was important enough to tell me?? R, you were dumping cups of water on the floor?
R: I don't want to tell you!
B: Why?
R: Because then you'll know I was!

B: We don't have a lot of time for cuddling tonight.
R: Why not?
B: Because of all that time I spent cleaning up the bathroom floor.
R: Ok, but stay as long as you can. Actually, Daddy, I always want you stay as long as you can. Unless I want you to go. Then you should go.

F: What does "no wake zone" mean?
B: You know how there are some waves behind a boat as it goes by?
F: Yeah.
B: That's called a wake. So in a no wake zone, the boats have to go slow enough that they don't leave one.
F: That would be really hard for me.
B: Because you like to go really fast?
F: Because I don't know how to drive a boat!

Dirt clod mid-flight.

R: Daddy, you can't come in here because you're too tall and the branches are too low.
B: Probably true.
R: You keep going on the regular path and I'll go on the fairy way and I'll meet you.

B: I spy, with my little eye, something that begins with T.
R: I need a hint.
B: There are a lot of them around us, and they're mostly green and brown.
R: Trees??
B: Yup.
R: But "trees" doesn't start with a T sound. It starts with a "ch" sound!

Obsessed with catching a maple seed helicopter in flight.

Improvised backyard game - - > kids unexpectedly getting along. Also, I am a genius.

R: But I'm sick of this game. I want to play princesses!
B: Um, maybe draw some princesses in the circles. So we'll be playing exactly the same game, but you'll be aiming for princesses?
R: Yeah!
F: I'll help! TO THE PINK CHALK!

F: My best science project ever.
M: Don't forget to mention that he used the glue gun I've had since I was a child!

Technically, ONLY science project so far. I'm so proud of the little monkey. Had three days to plan. Sketched it out and compiled materials list day one, oversaw materials procurement day two, constructed day three.

Sitting on porch, under overhang, watching it rain.

R: Daddy, can you get me more noodles?
B: Sure.

B gets up and goes in.

R: Happy hotel day!

F: Daddy, I want to eat more tamales.
B: Huh. I think we could probably do that, though I don't know how to make them yet. I'd have to learn.
F: Remember when you had to show me how to eat a tamale?
B: Yeah. That wasn't that long ago, was it?
F: No, I still remember it!
B: It's really fun to find a new food that you love, isn't it?
F: Yeah! Especially one that YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO EAT!

Bedtime cuddling:

R: Daddy, do you think I can get my leg stuck between the bed and the wall? Want me to try?
B: No. That sounds like a really bad idea to...
R: Ow! My leg is stuck! It's really stuck! Daddy, help!

B extricates R's leg from wall-bed trap.

R: Daddy, I don't understand why I always have so many bruises on my legs.

They mean business.

R: Daddy, we're hunting stink bugs!
F: Yeah! And we've got a really cool way of getting rid of them when we catch them!
B: Are you taking them outside?
F: That's what R's doing. I'm putting them in a plastic bag with no air and then I'm smushing them in there so the stink can't get out.

R: Daddy, do you think the caterpillar in this jar is definitely dead? I even tried this tickler, and it won't move...
B: Um, probably. Caterpillars don't usually do well in jars.
R: But I put leaves in, and everybody knows caterpillars love to eat leaves. And it had plenty of water, because I left it out in the rain.
B: How much water?
R: The jar was about one - third full when I went out this morning.
B: Where was the caterpillar?
R: At the bottom.
B: Yeah. It's definitely dead. I'm sorry.
R: Awwwww!

B: Did you have fun bowling?
R: The times I had to bowl weren't that fun, but the rest was great!

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F & R Figure Out the World

F & R Figure Out the World