F & R Figure Out the World

October 2015

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Mathematical objection to double negatives may be hereditary.

R: Daddy, this song says we're always going to see unicorns!
B: Huh, no, it says they're all gone.
F: Yeah, they all drowned. They're extinct now!
R: It says you're never going to see no unicorns. If we never see none, that means we always see at least one!


F: Daddy, I really wish I had an on-off switch built in.
B: So you could turn out the light and stuff without having to get up?
F: No! So I wouldn't have to wait around to fall asleep!
B: That'd be nice, huh?
F: Yeah! Or maybe I could run on batteries, and when the batteries ran out, I'd fall asleep.
B: But what if the whole family was like that, and we all ran out at the same time? Who'd charge us?
F: If I missed school for enough days, they'd come looking for me.


Yesterday morning, 6:38 AM. B gets up to go to bathroom. B decides to check on kids. R is standing on the bottom of her bed, in the dark, seemingly awake. B walks in.

B: Hey, are you ok? Do you need help with something?

R refuses to speak. Makes "Daddy, go away" gesture.

Later, same day.

B: Hey, what were you doing standing on your bed this morning when you didn't want me to come into your room?
R: I was watching the clock, waiting for it to be 7, so I could go in and snuggle with Mommy!


Working together nicely (for a change). The project? Poking pins into a pumpkin.


R: Daddy, while you were out bowling last night, we DESTROYED some pumpkins!
B: I saw! You made an amazing mess!
R: Yeah! Where's the knife? I want to do some more.
B: Um, not this morning, ok? I spent a lot of time last night cleaning up the mess. Can it wait until after school before you make even more?
R: Aww! Ok.

B walks into dining room. R is staring at a pumpkin.

B: What'cha doing, R?
R: I'm doing DESTROYING PLANNING!


R brings B an old Babybug to read. It has "On the Bridge of Avignon."

B: I've only ever heard that song in French. It's one of the songs we used to play for you when you were really little.
R: Sing it in French!

B sings it in (terrible) French

B: You know, a lot of the French words are a lot like the words that mean the same thing in Spanish.
R: Like what?
B: Like pont and puente, and tout la monde and todo el mundo.
R: But those don't sound anything like each other!
B: I guess not, but they're spelled similarly. "Pont" is p-o-n-t and "puente" is p-u-e-n-t-e. And "monde" is m-o-n-d-e and "mundo" is m-u-n-d-o.
R: Daddy, is French the language you use if you want to speak Spanish but you're too lazy to say the ends of words?


F: Daddy, can I fall asleep in your bed tonight?
B: Sure, but I'll probably carry you to your own bed later.
F: That's fine. I really like falling asleep here, but I don't much care where I wake up... unless it's a tent or something, or out of the house. Then I'd care.


Two down, eighteen to go. Last time it happened in his sleep, so this is the first loss he's aware of.


R: Daddy, I like almost all kinds of noodles.
B: Almost?
R: There's one kind of noodles that I still like the way they taste, but I don't like to actually eat them.
B: What are they?
R: Spaghetti.
B: And why don't you like to eat spaghetti?
R: It reminds me too much of worms. And I don't want to eat worms because I love them so much!


He doesn't know he's being ironic.

B reading to F on back porch. Bee starts to fly around B. B waves hands, bee does not go away.

F: Daddy, let's go inside.
B: Because of the bee? Are you sure? I'm not really scared of it, it's just annoying me.
F: I'M scared of it.
B: But it's not bothering YOU.
F: It might.

We go in.

F: Do you know why it wasn't bothering me?
B: It was too busy with me?
F: Nope. It's because I was staying still. I can stay really, really still, Daddy. I'm the world's champ of being still. I'm Mr. Still.


Inspired by the book with the bite taken out, he made mouse holes.


R: I'm 5! Soon I'm going to be 6! And after that I'm going to be 7!
M: Slow down! I need you to be a kid!
R: ...and then I'm going to be 20!
M: Someday, you really WILL be 20!
F: Well, unless she's murdered or something.



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F & R Figure Out the World

F & R Figure Out the World

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