F: Mommy, I love you up to the sky.
F: R, I love you all the way up to Mars.
F: Daddy, I love you to the stars and outer space.
F (putting on his jacket): I can do elbow-first. You put your elbow all the way in and then you straighten out your arm and poof! Your hand is in the right place.
F is a world-class dawdler unless I say the magic words...
B: I bet I can get to the alley before you!
(F takes off at a dead run and wins easily)
F: I'm an alley winner!
(And, yes, he stops right before the alley so we can hold hands crossing it)
F: I can see Rivers' house. He came over our house, so he's our friend now.
F: Can I have another blackberry?
M: No, you and Rosie ate them all. Do you want a strawberry?
F: No, I used to like bananas when I was younger but I don't anymore.
M: Cheese stick?
F: Is it orange?
M: No, it's white.
M: Bar? (i.e. granola bar)
F: Yeah! Bar! There's going to be crumbs EVERYWHERE!
F: I'm full. I want something else.
F dumps water into his noodles-and-vegetables.
B: Why did you do that?
F: I wanted to melt this.
B: That's a water chestnut. It's not going to melt.
(A few moments pass. The water chestnut does not melt.)
F: Why doesn't this waterproof nut melt?
M: Because it's waterproof!
F: I didn't know that grocery stores had all kinds of things, like ICE CREAM and REAL FOOD end even stuff that's not food. I didn't know until yesterday when I went into the grocery store and I saw toothpaste!
(We are driving through a half-mile-by-half-mile zone of yard sales...)
F: All of these people are making stores outside their house. So people who want new stuff can just go there and pick stuff out.
F: I get my exercise by jumping and playing and running around. I don't NEED to go on a treadmill.
We are talking about the pear tree in my backyard when I was a kid. "When I was a kid" prompts a funny look on F's face.
F: Did they have to carry you around?
F: No, kids can walk.
B: You're a kid, and you can walk.
(F gets up and walks around the room)
B: You walk very well.
F: It's because of my feet!
F: I woke up at 21 this morning. I'm eleven feet tall and I'm three years old.
F: I want some upper-case grapes and some lower-case grapes.
F: I'm ready to get into TWO
B: Two what?
F: Two butter
B: Don't you already have some butter on your bread?
F: I do. That's why they call it bread and butter!
Overheard, from the other room, I don't know the context but he sounds happy, "I'm just PRETENDING to cut my arm off."
M's in there. She'll handle it if something goes really wrong. I'm too busy being R's hat model.
F: I'm making art on the couch so it will be supercool. ... I'm going to leave the art that I made on the couch there for a while because mommy says it's ok. ... That's a little artwork. I want to make it a big artwork.
F notices that one of the urinals in the Y locker room is covered by a garbage bag.
F: Why is it covered up?
B: It's probably a little bit broken
F: Why is it broken?
B: What do you think?
F: I think someone with a big butt sat on it and tried to pee in it while they were sitting on it and it broke.
F managed to float with noodles, but no human assistance, twice tonight. And put his head under twice.
B: You were a superstar in the pool tonight!
F: Even though stars don't have legs?
B: Do you want peas with your mac and cheese?
F: Peas are the yummiest part!
F: I think that airplane is going to fly into my bird feeder. No, airplane, THAT'S FOR BIRDS!
M ordered F a bunch of books online. They're still in the brown cardboard box when we get home from swim lessons. I hang up the wet stuff, then come back to the dining room. F is staring at the box, looking like he's going to burst.
F: Daddy, open the box so I can stop saying, "What's in the box?"
F (on the swing): I want to go super duper high! I want to go super duper ooper high!
B: Do you want to go super duper ooper looper high?
B: Do you want to go super duper ooper looper cooper high?
F: No, that's too high.
In chipotle. Our table is right by the bend in the ordering line. F puts a piece of tinfoil on M's head. "You're the queen!
Then he points to me. "You're the boy queen!"
Many people in line give me funny looks.
F and I are lying in bed. I start to nod off.
F: Daddy, don't stop talking. You talk about the things you know and I'll tell you the things you don't know.