F & R Figure Out the World

July 2012

R crying, first night at Poppa's

R: I heard a noise! It was a wolf!
B: There are no wolves around here. And anyway, they wouldn't be able to get into the house. But, really, the biggest things out there are raccoons. (I inexplicably forgot about deer.) Are you scared of raccoons?

No response

B: There also might be kitty cats. Or squirrels. Are you scared of kitty cats and squirrels?

No response

B: Or bunny rabbits. There might be bunny rabbits. Are you scared of them?
R (smiling): Yeah. But the door's closed.

Scared of bunny rabbits? Has she been watching Donnie Darko when I'm not around?

M picked up a large number of American flags today while out shopping - 2 cloth flags on sticks, 2 cloth flags without sticks, many stickers. This has led to:

F walking into my workspace waving two flags and at least 6 stickers on his shirt.

F: I'm the United States!

Yes, he was forced to listen to John Prine later.

R walking into my workspace much later waving a flag wildly.

B: What's the most important thing you need to do while you're waving an American Flag?
R: Not to weapon people with it!
B: Well, yeah, and to be careful of eyes. And to kiss your Daddy a lot.

I will be very, very sad the day that stops working.

Very loud:

F: No! You want it, but I NEED it!
R: No! You want it but I need it!

Repeat many times. Upon investigation, they're fighting over flags.

F: Daddy, can I ride the pink Jeep? I know it doesn't have wheels, but i just want to sit in it.
R: I want to sit in it too!
F: You can sit in it, but I'm the driver.
R: I'm the rider!

Dinner at Aunt Fideles' house. Only way to get R out back after washing hands is "I bet you can't catch me!"

R: I got you! I'm too tired to play that game. I want to pick up baby geese! The pony went in the garage!

R likes Aunt Fideles' house.

R: We only like brown ice cream
F: And white ice cream
R: And pink ice cream
F: And hoo-ha ice cream
R: There's not actually hoo-has in it!

F: Daddy, tell me about the time I went to the state closest to Alaska
B: Well, we wanted to visit some friends who lived there, so we took you on a plane.
R: I go too?
B: No, R, you weren't born yet.
R: I go too! You can't leave me here! You take me with you! I NEED A GROWN-UP!

F: Gulp. I ate the whole world!

F comes in to motel bathroom while B is finishing shower.

F: Daddy, can you get me [something in car]?
B: Ok, but i have to put clothes on first.
F: Why?
B: Because I can't go out naked.
F: Oh. Yeah. It's not woodsy enough here.

F runs up to M and hugs her

M: I love you
F: We're married!
M: I thought you were married to a spider.

Later, M explains that F once brought home a plastic party favor ring with a spider on it and had told her it was because he was married to a spider. Of course.

R: I'm a roly-poly
R (laughing hysterically): My name is really Horsey, but I call myself Poop!

F spills milk. M rushes to clean it up. M has B hold the oatmeal jar. B looks through jar at F.

B: I see you, F!

(F giggles)

B: I see you, R!
R: No you don't, Daddy. You see a beautiful butterfly!

R: I want to touch Mommy's leg
F: Mommy's out of the country!
B: Mommy's not out of the country. She's on Long Island.
F: No she's not. She's in Belarus. She's in Minsk.

F: A and E and S are coming over!!
R: And C?
F: No
R: I don't like C
B: Why not? Are you scared he'll eat you?
R: No
B: Is it because he has a mustache and beard?
R: Yeah!
F: How do you get a mustache and beard?
B: If you're a grown up, you just don't shave. I've had them lots of times before. If I stop shaving I'll have them again.
R: Then I won't like you.

SECOND cucumber from the garden.

F: It's a yummy cucumber!
B: Is there any other kind?
F: Yeah. It's called zucchini

Watching it rain.

F: Don't step on the bloody step.
B: What bloody step.
F: This one! Someone bled all over it.
B: Who?
F: A squirrel. I don't know his name.

It saddens me a little that R's favorite pair of shoes, she calls her "blister shoes". It's tempered by the fact that socks prevent the blisters.

R (lying on her back with her feet in the air for me to put socks on them): I like lying down on my bed. And blankets. And tuck-ies. And KENtucky, Indiana Illinois

F: A lot of people's feet look like Louisiana

Timer goes off.

F: What was that??
B: It was the toaster oven
F: Phew! I was worried it was a timer that meant, "the bear will be here in five minutes!"

Back from picking M at the airport. R insists on going for a short walk.

F: Can we just go inside? I'm scared of raccoons!
B: I'm bigger than raccoons. I won't let them hurt you
M: I can protect you too
R: I can yell at them about not eating us!

When he learned that raccoons aren't a whole lot bigger than cats, he felt better. Now I wonder what he thought raccoons looked like.

M: Wow, your room is a horrible mess! When are you going to clean it up?
F: When the sun burns out.

F: Mommy, when R takes her nap today, will you play go fish with me?
M: I'm sorry, honey, I have to go out today while R naps
B: Daddy, when R takes her nap today and Mommy goes out, will you play go fish with me?
B: Probably

(5 min later)

R: No, Daddy!
B: No, what?
R: You have to take me with you?
B: I don't think I'm going anywhere
R: you have to take me with you when you go fishing with F!

R: I'm teaching myself to spell in case I have to go to work
F: I already do lots of spelling at work
R: When I go to work, I want Mommy and Daddy and Frankie to go with me.

Wrangling kids in restaurant wc. Finished helping R.

B: F, do you need to go too?
F: No, I just peed in the skull.
B: You what??

F points.

B: You peed in the STALL.

R (brushing M's hair): "You're getting fancy!"

R: I really like (my cousins) D & K. When we go home, can they come with us?
B: Won't their Mommy and Daddy be sad?
R: They can have F

R excuses herself from the dinner table to use the potty and comes back.
M: R, you're naked!
R: Yeah! I found all my clothes and ate them and turned them into an owl.

R is hopping around the bed going ribbit ribbit. F jumps on bed and catches her.

R: Let me go!

F: I just wanted to feel you. You're soft.
R: I am a frog. I am NOT soft. I am slimy!

R: We were talking about I WANT CANDY to you.

R: If Frankie don't want his noodles, I want to eat them.

R: Mommy! Frankie put his underwear on my head!

R starts whimpering in the middle if the night. She's standing next to her bed.

B: Do you need to use the potty?
R: No!
B: Do you need water?
R (getting madder): No!
B: Are you hot?
R: No!
B: Cold?
R: No!!
B: What do you need?
R: (almost intelligible)
B: You want to go for a walk??
R: NO!! (repeats)
B: You're on a rocket ship?
R: Yeah!
B: Are you still sleeping?
R: Yeah!

R crawls back into bed, rolls over, is quiet and still.

In case you're worried they don't remember you:

B: Do you guys want to go see Uncle Matt and Aunt MaryLouise this weekend?
F: Yeah! They're fun!
R: But they don't have any toys
F: Yeah, they don't have any toys ... but they have a marshmallow gun. And M&M fans.
R: I like Uncle Mary. He gives me candy!

Thought R was down for her nap. Then there was crying and she was with M, wearing different clothes than when I put her down. Back to bed with me...

B: Why are you crying?
R: I was freezing so I took off my clothes and then I put on my heart jammies but they have snaps I mean buttons and I can't do buttons so my heart jammie shirt is open so I'm still freezing and I need your help and I like Mommy better than you!

F (after watching entire Olympic crew race, with more rooting interest than I would have expected): Now how do they get off the boat?

R: I want them to cut me open so I can see my ribs.

F: I really like (my cousins) D&K. I don't know which is which, but I really like them.

B: What's Grammy's play house made of?
F: Plastic!
B: Didn't you tell me earlier it was made of bricks?
F: Yeah, but it's really made of plastic.
G: Why did you say it was made of bricks?
R: Because Daddy huffed and puffed and tried to blow it down! He was a GIANT!
B: I was a wolf, not a giant.
G: Wolves huff and puff. What do giants do?
B: They score touchdowns and win Super Bowls!

F (after learning that you play cards in Atlantic City): I want to go there and play Go Fish and Crazy 8s.

Looking for frogs

M (to F): You're a funny duck.
F: No.
M: Aren't you a funny duck?
F: No! I'm a silly goose!

F (after being dragged away from watching Jeopardy! In his Granddad's room): That's a really cool movie, Daddy!

Boy, did I have a surprise for him.

Could be worse...

F: R, can I sit next to you at dinner?
R: No, Mommy.
F: Maybe tomorrow?
R: But I don't like you.
F (laughing): Yes you do!
R (laughing): Yeah, but sometimes you hit me.
F: Yeah. I try not to, though. Unless you hit me or do mean things to me.
R: Yeah.

He sat next to her.

F: I don't like green.
B: The color?
F: No, these [green peppers]. I ate them once before and I didn't like them. But I ate them all because I didn't want to eat them.

M is handing out cherry pie slices.

F: I want a piece with some if the red stuff!
R: Is the red part blood?

F & R Figure Out the World

F & R Figure Out the World