F & R Figure Out the World

November 2013

Newest entries

R is standing, swaying back and forth, singing "This Is Halloween."
B: Are you done with dinner?
R: No, I'm just taking a break to do yoga. This is one of my yogas.


11PM: Crash from kids' room, like kid falling out of bed. B goes up to investigates, finds both kids sleeping peacefully. Maybe one of them is faking it?

8AM: All four of us snuggling in bed.
F: R, did you find a surprise in your bed this morning?
R: I don't think so.
F: You didn't find a pumpkin in your bed?

Well, that solves that.


R climbs up on B's lap for post-nap cuddling.

B: More squeezes!
B: Yeah, but not too hard around your neck because that would be a chokey or and it might break because necks are very sensitive!
R squeezes as hard as she can anyway.


F/M fun with googly eyes


And the world has come full circle:

F: No, I don't want to eat that. It's yucky toast. I can see the butter on top! I only like butter when it's all melted in.


F: I found a chunk that looks like Illinois, but I'm going to turn it into an icicle.


We thought nothing of the patter of feet from upstairs, sounded like a kid waking in the night to go to the bathroom. Then we went to bed, and found this (note: this is our bed):


How Mommy likes to babysit


He'd rather not stop for bedtime.

F: "Tomorrow, we're going to play all day except for mealtimes."


R: I lived in a house made of lava and everything was SO hot. But it didn't burn me because it was my house.
F: But then I came around with a freeze ray.


M: What do you guys want for Christmas?
R: I want a lightsaber!
B: You have a lightsaber.
R: I want a real one!
M: I want all my wishes to come true!
R: Oh! And a magic wand! A real one!


F: Daddy, I have a golden eye!

Resisting the urge to teach him to say, "I am INVINCIBLE!" in an Alan-Cumming-pretending-he's-Russian accent.


M: I'm grabbing your ankles.
R: You know girls don't have ankles, right, Mommy? Only boys have ankles. But girls sometimes call the bottom of their legs "ankles."


B: You're doing a great job with not having electricity.
F: Yeah, it's kinda fun.
B: Do you want the power back tomorrow or would you rather wait a few days?
F: Tomorrow.
B: Yeah, me too, but it might not happen.
F: That's OK, but if it's off a lot more days, I'll start doing weird things.
B: Like what?
F: Like turning on light switches even though I know it won't do anything.


B: Tell me a story.
R: I don't have to.
B: I know, but it might be fun. Maybe tell a story a story about yourself?
R: When F and I play our fighting games, I tell stories about myself. Sometimes I'm really little and sometimes I'm a house. F is the guard.
B: What is he guarding?
R: Me! Against the bad guys!
B: Who are the bad guys?
R: They're imaginary. But there's a lot of them. It's more like a war.


B: Tell me a story.
R: I don't have to.
B: I know, but it might be fun. Maybe tell a story a story about yourself?
R: When F and I play our fighting games, I tell stories about myself. Sometimes I'm really little and sometimes I'm a house. F is the guard.
B: What is he guarding?
R: Me! Against the bad guys!
B: Who are the bad guys?
R: They're imaginary. But there's a lot of them. It's more like a war.


Notes from washing-up time :

B: Here's a better way to wash your face, so it actually gets clean. (demonstrates)
R: Oh!
B: Can you try?
R: Maybe. But, you know, sometimes my body just does what it does.

R points to moustache area.

R: I have to wash this part extra good.
B: Because of snot?
R: Yeah, there's snots and boogers coming out of everyone's noses all the time and they don't know it!


On the difficulty of toy purges:

M: ...And they get so excited when they find these little plastic pieces of shit. F practically peed his pants the other day when he found his dragonfly. These pieces of shit have a history. We're never going to get rid of any of it.


Roses and thorns (one good thing, one bad thing about your day) around dinner table:

R: I can't think of a thorn. I'll make one up.
B: Like when the dragon came?
R: No, that wouldn't have been a thorn. That would have been AWESOME!


B: Did you know Uncle Jeffrey is coming to visit today?

R: Is he bringing Baby O?
B: I don't know yet. He might, but he might not, because Baby O has been sick.
R: And when you get sick, you have to go to the doctor. Except not Baby O, because HIS DADDY IS A DOCTOR!!!


R (half-crying): Daddy, [something unintelligible about F, stuffed toy cat, playing outside, and sand].
B: Please tell me F didn't throw Catty outside in the sand.
R: Nooooo!
B: Um, you want to bring Catty outside and it's really sandy out there and you don't want Catty to get sandy but you think he will and you're sad?
R: Yeah!
B: Would it work if you play outside and Catty stays inside?
R (crying louder): Noooo!
B: Maybe you can take Catty outside, and then if he gets dirty, we can wash him?
R: Nooooo!

...

R: I have an idea, Daddy! I can leave Catty on the deck!

Note: Catty is not on the deck. Catty is right on the floor, exactly where this conversation occurred.


R: Mommy, what does five plus two equal?
M: Seven
R: Mommy, what does five plus three equal?
M: Eight
R: Awwwwww


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F & R Figure Out the World

F & R Figure Out the World

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