F: We have to stop buying frozen things until there's room in the freezer so you can put my oatmeal in there so it cools down faster.
R: Daddy, why do you cook your eggs?
B: I don't like raw eggs. They're yucky.
F: Raw eggs can make you sick, Daddy!
R: And you have to get a shot?
F: Shots make you better, but they hurt. Ow!
B: They don't hurt as much when you get older.
F: I know! My shots don't hurt as much as R's.
I'm worried that F has a too-dark interpretation of the game of tag.
F: When I'm really mad at someone, I say "you're it!" to them. Because I'm not allowed to say, "you're an idiot!"
F: I want you to read me the Florida book tonight. But It might be too long.
B: What's the Florida book?
F comes back with The Lorax.
Later, when the Lorax first appears, R points to it, really excited.
R: That's the bad guy!
M: Come up here and let me hold you!
R giggles, M picks her up.
M (fake grunts): How did you get so big?
R: I've been growing in the garden!
F loves his song about the 50 states. His favorite states might be Texaso and Klahoma
F&R are now calling blueberries "eyeballs". (Thanks, M)
R, in the back of the car, keeps saying, "I'm plucking your eyeball!" This is disturbing.
She has trouble making the p-l sound. It comes out like an f sound. This makes it WAY more disturbing.
Sometimes word problems ARE motivating...
F: How many ice cream sandwiches do we get?
B: We each get one.
F: But the package says twelve. That means we can each have three!
Everybody got two (they were tiny)
As we turn the car...
R: Daddy, hold on to your hat! I'm going to hold onto my hair!
B: Are you sleeping naked tonight or are sleeping in your jammies?
F: I'll be naked under my jammies!
Girl is crying at birthday party.
R: Somebody's tired!
F is playing recklessly with a stick.
B: If you hit anybody with that, I'm going to take it away.
F: That's ok, Daddy. I know where there's more.
F is taking his U.S.A. puzzle apart.
F (very emphatically): I have Missouri-Arkansas power!
In which the monkey makes a tactical mistake...
F: More whipped cream!
B: No more whipped cream.
F: Well, I'm in charge of Mommy...
B: What are you eating?
R: Quesadilla! With cheese! Cheddar cheese!
B: And then what are you going to do?
R: Bottle nap! In blue chair! With Daddy!
R: Daddy, is that your hammer?
R: I have a hammer too!
B: You do?
R: It's pink. It's for knocking things down.
B: Oh. Is it your reflex hammer?
R: Yeah! It's from Uncle Michael.
B: He's nice, isn't he?
R: Yeah! He gives me reflex hammers. And he turns me upside down!
R: Why are you bringing Mommy water?
B: Why do you think?
R: Because she's thirsty?
B: Yup. Also I drank all hers.
R: Why is Mommy thirsty?
B: Probably because she hasn't had any water in a while. Do you forget to drink water sometimes and get thirsty?
R: Yeah. It's funny when I do that!
M&I are discussing dinner plans for after kids go to bed.
M: How about F-(spells rest of his name)?
F: No! You shouldn't eat me while I'm sleeping! You'll wake me up!
B: Should we eat you some other time?
F: Only if you're really really hungry.
Learned some about F's hand-washing routine tonight:
1. Roll up shirtsleeves
2. Wet hands and forearms.
3. Lather up same
4. Push shirtsleeves back down on wet arms
5. Dry hands
F: We got wet.
Walking back to car from failed swim lesson.
F: Why can you walk to downtown Evanston?
B: Because we live nearby.
B: Because I like it here, and so does your Mommy, and I think you and R like it too. Do you?
F: Yeah, but I really want to live in Aspen!
Also, same walk.
F: Daddy, when's it going to be winter?
B: In a few months. Is winter your favorite season?
F: Yeah! Then, I can eat snow!
R (with Mommy's sleep mask over her eyes): You can't see me!
B: We can see you. You just can't see us.
R: You can't see my EYES!
F: Daddy, we had an ADVENTURE today! We went to the Field Museum.
B: What did you do?
F: We shrank down 100 times and we saw an earthworm as big as me! There was a roly-poly as big as R!
R: And there was a wolf spider! It was eating its jaw out!
F: R is Mercury, so she gets ice cream first. Daddy, you're Venus, so you get ice cream second. I'm Earth, so I get it third. Also, that makes me the mother.
F: I saw a bunch of rocks in the water, and I thought they were Hawaii. But they were just stones. They weren't volcanic islands.
B: R, don't eat the flowers on your shoes
B: They're yucky
R: But they taste yummy!
F: Daddy, spiders are mostly bugs
B: Well, they look a lot like bugs, but bugs have six legs...
F: No! Spiders' GROCERIES are bugs!
R sees a bunny rabbit across the street.
R: I pet him!
B: He's not going to let you pet him.
B: He's afraid of you
B: You're so much bigger than him.
R: I AM big. I can touch the sky and I can touch the ceiling.
B: You can touch the ceiling?
R: I can! You have to hold me
Now she sees a robin.
R: I pet him!
B: Will he let you pet him or will he fly away?
R: He always flies away!
B: Is that ok?
R: It makes me a little sad.
B: I'm sorry
R: But then i see him fly, and I'm happy!
Walking down the sidewalk, R holding my finger. She spins around.
R: Daddy, now you spin
R: Daddy, I'm so proud of you!
Big dog running around schoolyard. R (who's terrified of dogs) insists on being carried.
R: Is he a nice doggie?
B: He's a chocolate lab. They're usually nice.
R: I pet him?
B (excited): Really?
R: No, I need all my pets for the kitties
F: Here's the bad kind of parking ticket.
M: What?! I wasn't even parked!
F (shrugging): Well, pirates are mean.
F: Do you want to look at black hole pictures?
M: No, I just put my phone away. Daddy, F knew intuitively that there are spinning black holes.
B: There are, right?
F: I'm smarter than you, Mommy!
I have returned to the living room from waking R from her nap. F&M are in the same place, but F is now bottomless.
B: Where are F's pants?
M: He says they got sucked into a black hole.
F: I'm not allowed to wear pants in the house anymore.
R: Look, Daddy, I'm up high!
B: You're a pie?
R: I'm UP HIGH!
B: You're a pie?
R: Daddy, stop it!
B: Do you want to go to the sandbox at the playground?
F: I don't call it a sandbox. I call it a sand ditch
B: F, it's your turn to get your story read first tonight.
F: I don't like how it goes me, R, me, R
B: Because you don't like that she gets to go first as much as you?
B: Why should you go first more than her?
F: I can climb higher than her.
B: What's that [bunch of blankets draped over something]?
F: We're making a trap for our babies.
F and I are talking about what countries are in the ocean. He's named at least ten. Most of them are actually countries, most of them are in the ocean (curse you, Kidstv123 "Countries of the world" videos for naming things like Aruba, Bonaire, Virgin Islands and Hawaii (!) in your "countries" lists).
F: Japan's a really small country. It's a little bit smaller than California.
B: Wow. How did you know that?
F: Mommy looked it up on the internet for me.
Nice job, Margy!
F began a long disquisition today with: "I don't know anything about this, but..."
F: I want to watch a sand cat eat a snake!
B: What's a sand cat?
F: They live in Africa. So we have to go to Africa to see them. We need our passports. R doesn't have a passport. Can we get R a passport and go to Africa and watch a sand cat eat a snake?
F wants to know what the first states are. J! must be fading, since I can't remember the order of the first 13 states more than DE, PA, NJ ... RI. He's fascinated by the story of why they're the first 13 states, though I'm sure I mangled it some.
F: Hawaii is the last state!
B: That's true. How did you know?
F: Mommy told me. It's still being made with volcanoes!
F: Hawaii has volcanoes. So does Washington. California has earthquakes.
B: There's earthquakes in other places, too. Even in Illinois.
F: I know. And Missouri. There was a really big one in Missouri. Mommy told me.
Again, nice job, Margy!
F: Daddy, my baby isn't alive and I don't know why. Can i stick pins in it?
R: Where's Daddy?
R: I want him to come down and make food for us!
B: R, don't take the bookmark out of F's book.
R: Why not?
B: He won't like it. He'll get mad.
R: It's ok. He's not here.
R and M share a bench. M farts, loudly.
R (surprised, confused, and a little scared): Somebody's knocking!
Mommy laughs hysterically. R gets more nervous.
R (with alarm): Why did the bench move a little bit?!
Out too late with the kids; it is getting dark.
M: Keep your eyes out for fireflies!
R: My eyes are not out!
R: F broke the night light.
B: He did? Or do you mean the standing lamp he knocked down?
R: Standing lamp.
B: That wasn't his fault.
R: I know. It was Mommy's fault.
B: Why do you say that?
R: She cleaned it up.
Driving past a forest preserve
F: This place has a lot of trees. They are making oxygen. We need trees. Trees make oxygen EVERYWHERE!
F: Yeah, there's trees everywhere. Even outer space.
B: There are trees in outer space?
F: The EARTH is in outer space!
R: That car has no roof!
F: It's called a convertible. And it has a roof. They just don't have it on right now. I think it's in the trunk. They put it up when it rains so they don't get wet.
R: What if they want to get wet?
M: R you look tired.
R: I amn't!
R is playing with cars.
B: R, it's time to go
R: I can't go. I have to take these people to a museum.
R: Daddy can I have some pretzels?
B gives her two
B: Is that enough, or do you want more?
R: I want too much!