Ready for battle

It came down to "eat three big squash bites, get a chocolate square." They did both admit to liking squash by the end. F decided to earn two.

F: I get 2 squares and you only get one.
R: That's OK. I can nibble on you, and you're made of chocolate, too!

Looking over F's schoolwork.

B: Awww. "Me gusta leer." And then to go with it he drew a picture of himself swimming.
M: No, that's him lying down reading a book... in the ocean!

B: When you were crying upstairs, and I came up to help you, why wouldn't you let me?
R: Because I wanted Mommy.
B: But I can be nice to you and I can help you, too, right?
R: Yeah
B: Next time you're crying and I try to come help you, will you let me?
R: Yeah... If you bring Mommy.

Preparations for what turned out to be an eight minute walk.

B walks into living room. R & F are watching a tv show. Naturally, it's a cartoon involving grown men dressed like birds. I guess something impressive just happened.

R: They should be yelling, "Boo - yah!"

Successful hunting.

B: Did you end up in our bed last night?
R: Yeah!
B: How come?
R: I don't know.
B: Mommy and I have been thinking, maybe you should get a reward for nights you DON'T end up in Mommy Daddy Bed. Can you help us think of what the reward should be?
R: Yeah! It should be something I've never seen before, and cool.

...

R: Daddy, I've also been thinking. I should get a reward for taking a nap.
B: You do.
R: What?
B: You get to take a nap.
R: Oh yeah!

R wanders into B's office, carrying 3 plastic candy canes of different sizes tied together with red ribbon.

R: Daddy, will you keep this until after Christmas is over?
B: Um, maybe. Why?
R: Because I made this really great ornament, but F said I couldn't use the fat candy cane because it's his.
B: Why is he saying that?
R: Because I gave it to him.
B: I'll hang onto it for now, until I can talk to everybody about whose it is.
R: I didn't give it to him forever.
B: Was it yours before you gave it to him?
R: Yeah. I bought it at the hardware store.
B: With what???
R: Well, Mommy bought it at the hardware store.

B hangs "decoration" in his office.

B: How about I keep it here for now?
R: Well, you can't keep it there for the rest of your life.
B: Why not?
R: Well, I want to use the pieces to make other really great ornaments that F can't have either.

F wanders straight from bed into my office. He's quite dazed.

F: Daddy, I just don't want to sleep anymore.
B: That's ok, it's morning now.
F: It doesn't LOOK like morning.
B: That's because we live in western Michigan now, son. There's huge chunks of the morning where it's still dark.
F: Ok. I just want to make sure that R doesn't go downstairs today until someone tells her there's a surprise for her downstairs. Can you keep track of when she's up and make sure she knows there's a surprise?
B: Sure
F (gets up to go downstairs, looks up at curtain, sees ornament from above conversation): Daddy, R really did give me that candy cane.
B: Probably, but she probably just wanted you to have it for a little while, not forever.
F: No, she made a deal with me. It's very important.

F: Daddy, I want to move closer to the bus stop.

Note: we live about TWO HUNDRED FEET from the bus stop

Poor kid.

F: I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I got some rest, but every time I fell asleep, I had to wake up to throw up.
B: I'm sorry. You must be really tired now.
F: Yeah.
B: Maybe you can take some naps today?
F: Yeah. Well, sort of. I'll rest a lot, but I don't want to actually fall asleep during the day because I'm afraid I'll miss some fun.

Other benefits of Margy-baked bread (besides the obvious):

R: Crust is the bark of bread.

M: So how high CAN you count?
F: I don't know. I get bored after a while. A hundred and twenty?
R: F, you can count higher than that if you count by tens.
F: No! Stop telling me how to do my homework! I get super annoyed if I have to skip seventy three!

Little Miss Unselfconscious: M & R playing game.

R: Mommy, I need to pause the game so I can pee.

As she goes:

R: This is going to be SO good for my body! Yay pee!

And she emerges like this. Note the pant legs.

R: Should we get me a robe?
M: Maybe you'll get one from Santa for Christmas. What did you ask him for? ... Hey - maybe we should go see him this weekend!
R: Where does he live?
M/B/F: The North Pole.
R (crying-ish): I don't want to go go to the North Pole!

M: This is a weird feeling. Half of me wants to go back to bed, and the other half wants to drink coffee.
R: Which half wants to go to bed?

R (playing with picture of girl taken from magazine ad): I'm going to [Something I didn't catch] and then I'm going to be gadget than ANYTHING! Faster than a cheetah! Faster than Lightning McQueen! Faster than lightning! Faster than PINK!

A few seconds later, from the other room:

R: I'm Nina! And I don't have a name! I'm Nina! And I don't have a name! I need a soprano! Hey, wait - - I need an extra soprano bird!

R: Daddy, no people can possibly be alive.
B: What about you and me and F?
R: Yeah, we're alive, but we can't be.
B: Why not?
R: Because of mommies and daddies.
B: Huh?
F: She means that the first person had to have a Mommy and a Daddy, and so they couldn't be the first person.

Anyone got resources for teaching human evolution in a way that a (somewhat precocious) 3-year - old will understand?

R: I love my cactus-y ball with the funny face!
F: Don't forget, it's actually mine, but you can have it the rest of the day.
R: Yeah!
B: I don't think you remember this, F, but there was a ball like this at Dr. Gaye's office. You and I used to roll it in the hall while Mommy was examined.
R: Did I roll the ball in the hall, too?
B: No, you were in Mommy's belly.
R: Oh yeah, because MOMMY ATE ME!!

Singing carols in the car. The ones the kids sort of know. We've been through Jingle Bells and We Wish You A Merry Christmas (F was happily scandalized by "we won't go until we get some").

R: Daddy, can I sing Jingle Bells without you and F?
B: Sure, why?
R: I can't sing it with you guys. The only part I know is jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells. ... And the "Hey!" part.

Because Santa's a jerk? And, um, Ollivander? And because it's too much power for one as capricious as you to wield? And because if he gave you that, what horror would your brother try to demand?

R: Daddy, Santa has reindeer that FLY, right?
B: Yeah.
R: And he can get into ANY house, even if it doesn't have a chimney, right?
B: Uh huh.
R: So Santa can do magic, right?
B: I guess so.
B: So why can't I get a real magic wand from Santa?

F: Daddy, you know I didn't really READ One Fish Two Fish, right?
B: Mostly, you had it memorized, but you got stuck sometimes, and when you did, then you did read, right?
F: Yeah. But I want my next book I read to be in Spanish.
B: Oh yeah?
F: Yeah. It's a lot easier to read. It's harder to understand, but it's super easy to read.

From the next room:

Margy: Ow!
R: Sorry!
M: You just poked me in the eye!
R: I SAID, "Sorry!"

R: Mommy! I have really bad news! I can't find my [stuffed] kitten. And if I can't find her, she's going into battle. And she doesn't want to use her claws. And there's a lot of bad guys. So she's in a lot of danger and she's probably going to be dead.

Thanks for the Viking helmets, Uncle Michael! Even if they have been transformed into rhino horns. Merry Christmas!

Aw, crap. Spelling's not gonna last much longer, either.

B: ¿Que quieres hacer mientras ellos duermen?
M : No sé. Algo.
F: What do you want to do while the kids sleep!

R is getting ready for nap. We are reading "The Owl and the Pussycat."

B: The owl looked up to the stars above and sang to a small...
R: Guitar!
B: Wow. You said guitar!
R (unimpressed): Yeah.
B: You usually say "kintar."
R: He's not playing a kintar. He's playing A GUITAR. He's small, and his guitar is small, and HE'S AN OWL. Owls play guitars. YOU play the KINTAR.

R: Mommy, can I have some Mommy Snuggles before I go to bed?
M: Yes!

R stops to wipe her hands.

R: You see? I stopped to wipe my buttery hands for you before we snuggled.
M: Awww.
R wipes her buttery face all over M's shirt.

R (playing with Margy 's phone, yelling from the other room): Mommy, when I try to do skin color, it comes out RAINBOW!

R: Daddy, sleep makes me feel good and have a lot of energy, and that's why I don't like it. When I'm tired I cry a lot, and I don't like that. But when I'm FLOPPY tired, my arms go like [makes "my arms have no bones" flopping motions]

F: R, I'm going to catch you!

R runs away, screaming. F chases. B ignores them and goes into the kitchen.

R: Daddy, I have wonderful news to tell you!
B: Oh yeah? What?
R: F gave me a hug!
B: That IS wonderful news.
R: Aren't hugs the best?
F: I CAUGHT you!
R: It was a catch hug! It still counts!

R (playing with a plastic pig and dinosaur): You don't need to come around here anymore. You don't have the sense of me!

M: E-R is a good combination of letters to have, because you can stock it on the end of a lot of words. And it's also a word by itself.
R: ER is a building that fixes you!

In which I save the day:

B comes home from grocery store.

R (running laps around the house): Daddy! I need to find Florizal!

R runs to stairs. F comes downstairs, wearing something on his back that makes him look like a beetle.

R: F!
F: R!
R: Open the portal!
F: [pretend static noise] The portal is open!
R: We MUST find Florizal!
B: What's Florizal? The baby doll?
R (tone = "you naive little man"): The baby doll whose parts that aren't the head and legs and arms are stuffed with beads.

B walks to table picks up doll matching said description.

B: This?
R: F! Daddy FOUND Florizal! She's safe! The world's not going to end after all!

The little scientist doing "experience."