M: So what do you want to do today? We have sick kiddos, so we probably shouldn't do anything social.
R (almost in tears): We don't have sick kiddos!
M: What are you talking about? Have you heard your cough?
R: We don't have sick kiddos! We have TWO kiddos!
F: Daddy, you always want to be Toad. But Toad is grouchy.
B: What do you mean?
F: He's always yelling and all he ever wants to do is sleep.
B: Am I like that?
F: No, that's Mommy.
The beauty of candyland: F just informed me that I payed a game with him and R. Neither R nor I touched a piece. Unsurprisingly, F won.
F: Daddy, you'd be really good at Hello Kitty Bingo. Because you're really good at rolling dice.
F is way more obsessed with Angry Birds than is healthy.
His favorite variation is the Star Wars one.
He has never seen a Star Wars movie.
So the Luke Skywalker bird, he calls "slicer arm bird".
He got a red bird t-shirt for Christmas.
He wears it the day after laundry and then spends the rest of the time until next laundry bugging his mom about when she's doing laundry again.
And he calls the shirt his "wa-YAAH" shirt after the sound the Luke Skywalker bird makes.
R wants to start spelling her name so that it ends in X
F (after crawling up in M's lap, whispering in her ear): Mommy, you're made of chick peas!
B is slicing cheese for sandwiches.
R: Daddy! Don't cut your finger! If you cut your finger you'll die!
M: No, he won't. Well, he probably won't.
F: Yeah, all you need to live is a head and a body!
F: Daddy, will you cut up this orange for me?
B: What about all those pieces on the table in front of you?
F: I don't like them.
B: But this orange is the same as the other one. What makes you think you'll like this one if you didn't like that one?
Getting ready for tomorrow.
F: Pirates are scary!
R: Pirates are bad guys because they try to steal your treasure!
R: No! Don't eat Daddy! He protects us and makes us warm!
M (to R, lovingly): I SO love you!
R (to M, lovingly): I SO love pancakes!
R (arguing about whether she can have a bagel for dinner instead of the fruit that was put in front of her. She doesn't realize she's arguing my point.): Daddy, hard poop people are always sad.
R: There are three things that make me happy. Mommy, Madeline, and Annie. And Evelyn. Daddy, there are four things that make me happy.
R had no nap today. (Because I was too unconscious to give her one.)
B: F, do you want to have second bedtime tonight? With Mommy?
B: Ok, you might have to play by yourself while I put her down. And you can't make it seem like you're having too much fun.
Cut to dinner table.
R: Daddy, is it bedtime?
B: Yup. After we wash you and brush your teeth.
F: AND I AMN'T HAVING FUN!
B: How was your doctor appointment?
F: Great! The doctor put yucky stuff on me!
F's Lego representation of himself
R (listening to Nobody Understands Me from Philadelphia Chickens): It doesn't matter if nobody understands me. I can take a walk, and when I'm done, I'LL be standing me!
B: What do you want for dinner tonight?
F: Let me see what's in the fridge ... I want quesadilla!
B: What about vegetables?
F: We don't have any.
B: You're kidding. (checks) You're not kidding. How about fruit?
F: Well, the apples Mommy bought at the store aren't organic ... I guess I'll eat them anyway.
F (playing Scrabble Jr): Ax! Chop chop chop! I chopped up our house!
B: Where are you going to live?
F: In the mess!
B: Ah-ah... I hate when I can't sneeze.
R: I don't like to sneeze
B: Why not?
R: Because I get snot.
B: And what do you do when you get snot?
R: I kiss you!
B: Yuck. You do?
R: Not kiss you. Tissue!
F (walking on icy sidewalk with more freezing rain coming down): Daddy, can I tell you a story about a time like this? It was Halloween, and everybody was a ghost, and all the ghosts were dressed like vampires. The end.