R: Daddy, when I get home, can I trim my toenails?
B: Of course. Why do you feel like you have to ask?
R: Because I don't know where any of the clippers are, so I need you to find some for me.
B: We should probably set it up so that you have some you can always use, huh?
R: Yeah! Then I can trim my nails when I need it, and also I can play with them!
B: Um, how do you play with nail clippers?
R: I pretend they're owls.

B: What is all that sandy stuff all over the rug?
R: It's from the tape dispenser!
B: Why did you put it in the tape dispenser?
R: We didn't! It's always been in the tape dispenser. But now there are cracks in the tape dispenser and so some of it isn't in there anymore.
B: Oh. Yuck. So do we need a new tape dispenser?
R: No! We love this stuff! We pick it up and rub it between our fingers and then our hands feel SO SOFT! F thinks it's even giving us calluses!

Took about a day for her to successfully confiscate it.

R: Daddy, let's take pictures of me making faces with it. Really, I need another antenna, but I like this one!

B: So, this morning, you get to go to Megan's house, and have a girls' day!
R: What's F going to do?
B: He's going to stay here with me, playing quietly and reading.
R: Who's going to be at the girls' day?
B: G and A and Megan and the other R. Well, and Tank, even though Tank's not a girl.
R: I'M NOT GOING!
B: Why not? I thought that'd sound super-fun!
R: I WANT TO STAY HERE WITH F!
B: Ok, if you want. But you both have to stay super-quiet so Daddy can work. And you definitely can't fight. And you won't have any screens together.
R: We'll be quiet. And we won't fight. We'll pretend we're animals.
F: No! We'll pretend we're angry birds! ... uh, quietly!

Five minutes later, and they're doing the most F-and-R thing possible. Playing a game. With cards. Under a table. While making animal sounds.

F: What goes "haha, thud?"
B: What?
F: Someone laughing his head off!

F: Why did the orange only cross the road halfway?
B: Why?
F: Because he ran out of juice.
R: I know a joke, too. Well, it's an anti-joke.
B: What is it?
R: Did you hear the one about the giraffe?
B: No.
R: Good. Because it's a bad joke.

B: I have to go now.
R: You can't go, you just got here! We've hardly even cuddled!
B: Well, we were up late finishing the book, so it's got to be shorter than usual.
R: Ok, but stay a little longer, ok?
B: You need a little more love, huh?
R: Actually, when you get out of the bed, I roll over and lie down on the warm spot you leave. And it's not even warm yet!